What Not To Wear, Country Style

As published in the Citizen-Record newspaper on Wednesday, November 2, 2016, by Sara Jewell

In the time it took to get this photo, I broke out in a rash from too much camo!

Tracey and I met up in the produce department at one of the grocery stores in Amherst.

“If you were going to a turkey shoot, what would you wear?” she asked me.

First of all, I would never go to a turkey shoot, although I have since learned that no one actually shoots live turkeys; they’re aiming at targets in order to win a frozen turkey. Which doesn’t seem nearly as exciting, if you’ll pardon my paradox.

Secondly, I would have no clue what to wear to any kind of shoot, having never been to one, my Nova Scotia country boy still reluctant to have his clumsy wife around one gun, let alone a rafter of them.

“I was trying to put together an outfit when Greg walked into the bedroom and told me to just wear my old clothes. I don’t have OLD clothes,” Tracey said.

Her laughter bordered on hysterical as we looked at her lovely grocery-shopping outfit which included a pair of high-heeled boots. Definitely not an outfit for a turkey shoot.

When men go to their side of closet, there are two outfits: good and every day. We see the every day clothes every day. If we see the good clothes, it means someone has died.

For women, an ATV rally outfit is completely different from a grocery shopping outfit which is entirely different from a weekend-at-the-camp outfit. Which is why the closet gets turned out onto the bed when we are baffled by the appropriate outfit to wear to a turkey shoot.

“Greg said no jewellery, no makeup, don’t do your hair and wear camouflage,” Tracey said, shuddering at the thought of wearing camo. “That is so not me!”

A country girl after my own heart.

Men have it much easier: their outfit choices are limited to denim, plaid and camouflage (poor things). Even so, there are times when the significantly more fashion aware other has to put the brakes on a trend.

“How do you like my new shirt?” my husband said one morning.

I looked the black-and-tan large square plaid shirt and said, “You’re wearing Dad Plaid.”           
Not to disparage my father-in-law or his wife, who buys his clothes, but this was not a look I was prepared to see just yet on my then-56 year old husband. From Dad Plaid, it’s a slippery slope to suspenders.

I might cheer the return of the Dad Plaid these days, however, with the latest fashion crisis in our home. Now that he’s retired, my Nova Scotia country boy is wearing far too much camouflage these days. Every day. When he replaced the worn-out navy suede slippers I bought him for Christmas with a pair of camouflage ones that look like they’re indestructible, I objected.

“If you don’t like the slippers, honey, you’d better brace yourself for the camouflage seat covers I’m going to buy for my new truck,” he answered.

I think he’s serious. So I’ll be hosting a turkey shoot in the near future, and you can guess what turkey we’ll be taking shots at. He won’t be hard to spot: he’s not yet dressing in head-to-toe camo.