The Abundant Life

Okay, so here's something a little unorthodox (my word of the week, apparently, because that's the second time I've used it and it's only Tuesday). I wrote my sermon (message) for this coming Sunday yesterday; not my usual habit to write the message on Monday but as I was putting together the service, what I wanted to say about "barrenness and abundance" (our Language of Lent words for this week) dropped into my head. Why wait and lose that spark?
The message just flowed out of me; it's a rough draft, for sure, but it felt good as I wrote it -- even as I recognized something from my subconscious mind was working its way to the surface.

That's not the unorthodox part!
I don't usually share my sermons online, let alone snippets even before I've shared them with the congregation, but here's part of that sermon, the personal part I'm speaking about:
"Since last year, I’ve been having a series of epiphanies about my life – it’s brought up some memories about paths not taken and allowed me to figure out why, and in some cases, provided a chance to get back on the path – even this 'late' in life.

But that’s a struggle – to look back on 25 years of mistakes and missteps, to look forward at ALMOST 50 years of age, and feel like a failure.

That’s part of the journey, though – that’s the HARD part – the CONFESSION part [this refers to last week's sermon] – admitting that I “missed the mark” over and over, not really deliberately – but from a lack of self-awareness – from being a seeker yet not being able to understand what it was I was seeking. 

In February, I was skating by myself at the pond, twirling and swirling, while snowflakes twirled and swirled, and it felt so good, I felt so free, so alive, so happy that I paused for a moment to say Thank You.

And that’s when it hit me: I was so focused on all the ways I believed I had failed my life, that I wasn’t appreciating the life I have.

I AM living an ABUNDANT LIFE – I have food and shelter, money to buy things, love and support.

What more do I want?

I have a book published – sure, I want more but I also need to be content with JUST THAT as well.

Striving is exhausting. Wanting more is exhausting.

The Eagles said it in their song, “Take It To the Limit”:

“You spend all your time making money, you spend all your love making time.”

When do you stop to appreciate the fact you have it all ALREADY?"             [end of message]

Obviously, this idea of barrenness (having nothing; uncertainty; worry) and abundance (having everything; not realizing it/appreciating it) has been on my mind for awhile, I just hadn't put it into those words yet. I wrote myself to a surprise memory, and it was one of those moments when you're like: Yes. This is the point.
I'm going to have to tweak the sermon to make it less personal but I'll save that first, raw draft because, well, epiphany, right?

Just now, I signed up for the second learning unit of the course I'm taking to become a properly licensed lay worship leader, and I was thinking of my new friend, Penny, asking me how the editing of my novel went the next time we meet.
And when I thought about that, about spending the month of March editing -- this shiver, a frisson, of excitement rippled through me. I can't wait to tell her how well it went. I LOVED editing the novel -- I LOVED the process, the sitting down with that spiral-bound bunch of papers and reading them over, crossing out words and lines, making notes, taking out ENTIRE chapters! It was good, solid work and so different from the work of writing the first draft of the novel.

I want to do it again. I WILL do it again. Because I'm learning to pay attention to those shiver moments - they are telling me what to do. They are MY HEART telling me what path to follow. Sure, there's uncertainty, there's worry, but I'm learning to dump a whole lot of appreciation on those distracting thoughts until they stop squirming.